Last week, two important people in my life achieved some pretty big milestones in their careers. My cousin Rakeem, who is a photographer and multimedia artist, started being represented by Ochi Projects LA and my friend Domonique, who is an artist and a costume designer, launched a design collab with Cakeworthy, a brand she’s loved from its inception. Both reached incredible checkpoints to the grind and hard work they’ve been showcasing for over a decade, both deserve it, I’m incredibly proud of both of them and honored to be a first hand witness to their journeys. And yet as they skyrocket to their next achievements, in the back of my mind is a tiny voice that’s asking, “What about me? When is it going to be my turn?” Which served as the inspiration for this mood board Monday.

So, let's start off with the elephant that just tiptoed into the room, shall we? No, I’m not actually jealous of their success. By definition, the word jealous is defined as “feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.” and to break it on down a little bit further, envy is defined as, “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.” There is no discontent, there is no resentfulness, there is no malice over here. These two have put in the work and they deserve to harvest all the seeds they’ve sown and I’m right here cheering them on. Yet, as they both reach huge goals, I’m just over here like, “Alright, great ya’ll! Now, my season? Where are you at?”

Wanting to make sure my thoughts stayed positive, I took the time to come up with things you can do to stop feeling jealous of your friends' success. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Support them.

Let’s be real, if this successful person is really and truly your friend, you better be supporting the crap out of them! I mean sharing everything; spending the dollars where needed; yelling at the top of your lungs while smiling from ear to ear because they made it. If you can’t genuinely do this, we have some deeper issues here. Issues where a fashion designer who dabbles in wellness doesn’t have the credentials needed to properly assist you.

2. Don’t discredit their efforts in attempt to build yourself up.

Again, you should be rooting for them. If you know the effort they’ve put in and all the late nights they've burned that midnight oil, there is no reason you should be attacking them because they clearly deserve what they’ve worked so hard for. Attacking someone else’s achievements doesn’t do any good for you. If anything, you’re admitting to not being on their level so you’re attempting to bring them down to yours. This only justifies why you haven’t reaped your benefits yet.

3. Celebrate your own achievements.

Sometimes we’re so focused on staying productive and getting things done that we don’t take the time to acknowledge what we’ve already achieved. Sometimes, we’re so focused on what others are doing, that we don’t take the time to stop, be present and take in what we’ve already been blessed with.

I am guilty of doing this myself. I am so focused on what might come and building my dream that I rarely ever look back to see what I’ve accomplished. We can’t take those old wins for granted. They’re what got us to where we are right now.

4. Remind yourself it’s not a competition.

It’s not a race to get to the bag. You are not against them and they are not against you. You both should be wanting each other to win to be honest. Their success doesn’t make you a failure.

5. Accept your journey is different from theirs.

We’re all meant to walk our own paths and serve our own purposes so our journey’s are going to look different. Some journeys will reap benefits sooner and some will have to grind it out before they reach their gold at the end of the rainbow. Both are fine. This doesn’t make one journey more powerful or more beneficial than another. It’s simply a case of, “it is what it is.”

I had to realize that all three of us have different stories to tell and we tell them in very different ways. We’re reaching different people and we’re doing completely different things. We all want completely different things, so no, our journeys are not going to look remotely the same.

6. Reflect why you’re feeling this way.

Because I love some good journal prompts, let’s take the time to see what’s really going on:

• Why are you feeling like your time hasn’t come yet?

• How do you know your time hasn’t come yet?

• Why do you think that it should have happened by now?

• What have you been doing that justifies it should’ve happened by now?

• Who said/Where did you get the idea that it should’ve happened by now?

• How has having this timeline served you?

• Are there different ways to evaluate your success other than time?

7. Ask if you’ve been sabotaging yourself.

Time to keep it real. Have you been getting in your own way? We may not recognize it in the moment but sometimes our brain does things where it thinks it’s trying to protect us but in fact it’s holding us back.

Another transparency moment, I know I’ve done this. I’ve done this by rejecting new opportunities because it looked different than where I saw myself going. I look away from this new thing that might have great potential because it doesn’t fit into the plan but what that usually translates out to is, I was afraid. For whatever reasons, I was too scared to take that jump, not confident enough to take that leap and my brain “protected” me with self doubt and I said thanks but no thanks to the opportunity. Who knows what path those missed opportunities could’ve lead me down.

8. Check in with your goals.

It’s good to check in with your goals from time to time to see if they’re still aligned with who you are and what your vision is. Imagine being envious and jealous over your friend's success and you’re not even sure if you’re putting in the correct work to achieve your own goals.

After having these thoughts, I checked in with my goals which is the inspiration for this weeks mood board. I have a few goals on hand but one of them is to own my own design studio where I can produce my limited edition elevated streetwear line and red carpet customs in house with a small team.

If you’re not sure about how to check in with your own goals, you can check out this post, 5 Steps to Check In with Your Goals. It’s also beneficial if you have a vision board that you can reference at a quick glance.

9. Be inspired.

I don't know about you, but when I see someone reap their rewards, it only lights my fire because I want to feel the same excitement they’re feeling. Your friend's success is only a confirmation that success is possible.

For example, with Domonique getting her collaboration with Cakeworthy, I see that as potential for me to get one with another brand down the road. Not because I’m better than her, (remember 2 & 4) but because we started from the bottom at the same time and I see it as being more attainable than before.

10. Ask for help and learn from them.

Hopefully your friend is a true friend and wants you to succeed just as much as them, if not more. If you’re having trouble with where you are and need some guidance, ask your friend for advice. Ask them what they did to get specific opportunities or what they learned when they were able to do something you have your heart set on. Take in all the information they’re willing to give to avoid having to experience the same lessons they did on their own journey.

11. Remember, it’s A marathon.

Again, their success or failure has nothing to do with you. You’re running your own race but there aren’t any shortcuts to get you where you want to go. You’ll have to consistently show up for yourself, for your vision and for your goals in order to design your best life. Life, not moment.

So, as I continue to cheer for my cousin and my friend, I’m making sure that I’m doing everything in my power to get me where I want to be. I will reach my dreams through small steps.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been jealous over something a friend had that you didn’t? How did you handle it? Or are you their biggest cheerleader? Share in the comments.

If you found these tips helpful on keeping jealousy and envy at bay when it comes to your friends’ success, go on and pin this post to your self growth or productivity boards.

#MJConsistencyChallenge